Colonel Sanders: Superhero

Have you ever wanted to see a heroic Colonel Sanders throw down with his evil counterpart from another universe?

Image provided by DC Comics

The answer is “no.” You have never wished for that. Not even when it was late and you were drunk and a piece of Original Recipe was the only thing standing between you and madness.

And yet somehow, DC and KFC are teaming up to produce The Colonel of Two Worlds. Iconic KFC pitchman Colonel Sanders has some kind of epic battle with an evil Colonel Sanders from another dimension. Dressed in black, of course. “Timeless classic” is written all over this.

One wonders what made the Evil Colonel Sanders turn to the dark side. Kale and quinoa? He must want people to eat salad or something. The fiend.

That DC would willingly, if not gleefully, pillage its legendary “Flash of Two Worlds” story to help a fast food chain shill its product shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s the comic book “business” not the comic book “respect the art form.”

Subbing Colonel Sanders in for the Flash is a bit sad, sure. Let’s deep fry the visionary Silver Age story that created the idea of the comic book multiverse. That plot works better with biscuits, gravy and coleslaw.

It’s unclear from the preview if comic book Colonel Sanders has any super powers. How would he have gotten them? Bitten by a radioactive chicken? Pushed into a vat of magical hot oil by a disgruntled USDA inspector? Ate a helping of magical mashed potatoes?

And what would those powers be? The ability to prevent his body from absorbing trans fats would probably be the most practical. Maybe he could spontaneously generate bursts of magic feathers to overwhelm his foes. Sprout a beak and peck them into submission? Actually, that last one might be a power in an actual comic book character.

So, ignore the shameless product placement. The adventures of Colonel Sanders are finger-lickin’ good.

Antacid not included.

Originally published at thunderalleybcpcom.ipage.com on October 6, 2015.

Author (Grievous Angels) and pop culture gadabout #amwriting

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